I hate..

Commercials related to gardening.

Perfectly clean people, without a drop of sweat, gently messing about their lush oasis.

WTFingF.

I don't know one person on Earth that looks like that after working in the garden!
Show me a filthy, sweaty person, spewing profanity.. I'll run like hell to buy your MiracleWeedBeGoneMegaVegAndBloom.
Show me someone with dirt-stained knees (which won't go away until you grow new skin).

Show me someone who may or may not have forgotten their gloves and just pulled up a "I think that was highly toxic and oh shit, I just wiped my mouth!".

Show me someone who gives up and chops their nails to painfully short lengths because no matter what, they can't keep the garden soil cleaned from under their nails.

Or maybe that's all just me. 
God, I hope not!

Babbling (big shock, right?)

There's a robin nest just behind the garden..
I've been stuffing myself in the Mock Orange where the nest is located, and thank baby J the Robins aren't ripping my face off.
Yesterday, FINALLY, we have BAAAAABIES!

I tend to get this expression on my face when there are birds involved. My *demented with joy* face. Please note Michael looks like he wants to kill me.
I wouldn't hold still for a pic.  We were at the national aviary, for God's sake! I couldn't hold still!!!

The storms are beating up my poor peonies, but they are still stunners. This plant came to me from my mom, who got it from my grandmother.  I love growing plants with history :)

I'm off to mix up a Shakeology shake, as promised to a dear friend.  I have a terrible habit of not eating until dinner....
and then I tend to eat everything in my path.
I'll be posting a review of Shakeology soon.  Cross your fingers.

I warned you this was a Babble post! ;)

It has begun

Gardening season.
Huge asparagus crop this spring! Yay!
I'm mid-mulch project, so have a pic of the weirdo dogs.
Voo in cart, Henry on cart.
Did you plant anything new?
My auntie gave me some huckleberry to try... No idea how that will go!

Realizations

Fitness:

The person who recommended my current boot camp is 22.

My ass is not 22.  

Maybe this is why my 35 yr old butt did not want to get up this morning.

"Yay! It's morning! Coffee!" I said, upon waking.

Butt replied, "Oh hell no.  Slow down there, hoss"

So instead of my normal LEAP out of bed and gallop to kitchen, I eased my way out of bed and crept down the hall until my muscles decided what they were doing.

I have NO age related issues.  I think old is a state of mind.  On my mom's 50th birthday, she climbed the tallest tree on her property for birthday pics...because people were giving her the Dread 50s speech.

But, new boot camp plus the hill hiking yesterday made me realize that I did not have 22 yr old glutes.

Cooking:
There are some days, like today, when I have spent 90% of my time in the kitchen prepping/cooking/baking/washing dishes/cleaning up...that I wish we ate more premade stuff!
Oh, to toss a lasagna into the oven (already in its weird paperyfake baking dish!) and be done with it.

Working from home vs. leaving for work:
I never leave "work".  Work is always right here staring me in the face.
Michael comes home from work and relaxes.
I need a better method here..
No one respects my hours if I don't enforce them. I need to be able to walk away from work.
Two things to work on.

Gardening:
Finally, in September, I will be eating my first watermelon.

And cabbage.

You can time things and plan things and be so precise with gardening...and you'll get what you get when the garden damned well feels like it!


Have some Pig.  Everyone feels better after some Pig.

"OhhhhMyyyGaaawd I love you carbs.  I love you.  Forever."

"I.  Love. Flaaaaaaaat bread!"

No hike.

but we're starting the day with electricity! Woohoo!
No hike today because of the rain.  It's much needed (and I'm thinking Rain Thoughts for all you suffering in the heat and drought), our poor WV trees were dropping leaves.  Dry, crunchy leaves.
I'm shopping for a lightweight, packable rain jacket.  My Kelty jacket is ready to fall apart.  Suggestions welcome!

Dark, gloomy..but we need it!

I'm scared to mention this...but..we might toss the tent and dogs into the car for a quickie camp trip tomorrow. Just an overnighter.  State park campgrounds should be pretty quiet!
Dammit, I probably hexed myself.  Again.


Yesterday was gorgeous...even being a Crazy Day didn't affect that. :)

One of my vulture buddies..there are 5 that roost close to our property.  I love these guys.

 However, I don't appreciate the times they cruise over me..repeatedly...when I'm laying on the deck in my swimsuit.
Thanks, guys, for making me wonder if I look/smell like a bloated corpse.

Nothing like sitting on the couch and seeing blue skies, the woods and...carrion eaters.

The garden is still going like crazy...
The Parisian carrots are almost 2 inches tall and the second crop of green beans are nearly 5 inches.
Unless we have some freak cold spell, we have plenty of time for harvest.

Michael is taking me to lunch today...he works closing shift again tonight. BLAH.
I'm going to clean closets.  Pray for me.

Blue skies..

Thigh highs (and melon)

..and I can't rhyme anything else.
Dramatic sighs.
HA! I had one more in me!

This Monday is CRAZY.
Michael had to be out the door at 4 am, and it went downhill from there!
Just a crazy, backwards, WTH kind of day...nothing serious, though.

Pig is trying to move in.

I heard this god awful banging from inside the utility closet where the hot water tank is...
Crack open the door (thinking there's a monster in there) and Pig is staring at me. I have NO IDEA how in hell she got in!?!?
I need Michael's help to keep Pig away from me while I stuff myself in the crawl space under the house and see how in hell she got in.  I can't see any access point from inside the closet..just the tiny opening where the water lines run.
Don't believe me?
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Yeah, pardon the 1970s linoleum in the closet..and dust...and oh...the GROUNDFREAKINGHOG.

It lives...

*It* being me.
I feel semi-human this morning!
I spent the last 24 hours in a haze of Dayquil and NyQuil, which I haven't taken in years..had no idea it was that ..ah..potent.
How is that shit over-the-counter legal!?
The Day formula had me so cracked out I couldn't sit still...
8 lbs of strawberries frozen or jammed, 3 lbs of blueberries and 3 quarts raspberries cleaned and frozen, 24 Bell peppers cleaned, sliced and frozen.
I love that moment while making jam when you realize the stuff is nothing more than sweetened lava.
My palm will grow back eventually.
I found myself sorting the storage container cabinets by size and color.
I couldn't stop scratching my eyebrows.
I mowed half the property.  Now THAT was brilliant idea.
Remember- do as I say, not as I do.
As a matter of fact, do the exact opposite of what I do.  You'll live longer and have less scars.
  Because I was 1. high and 2. running a fever, I felt it was wise to take the nighttime version.
Instead of knocking my ass out, I lay there drowsy and twitching.
Until 4 am.

Less than half the berries.  God help me.

This fall and winter, I'll look at my packed freezer and cabinets and feel content.  Right now, I'm just chock full of resentment.
Even though canning and freezing is my bright idea.

Note the deer-pruned hostas...

Looking for bugs under the pot...

Threatening a chipmunk..

He's a scary little bugger!

 I took a lot of bird shots yesterday I thought were great.  I must have had DayQuil goggles on!


Just for fun:

Pig, from July of last year:

Fair warning..

this post is ALL over the damned place.

I'm fighting allergies (or the black plague), so I'm all whiny and melodramatic.
My tonsils are swollen and I sound like Godzilla going through puberty.  I swear this causes acute deafness in Michael and the dogs.  I keep bellowing and getting more Godzilla-y, they keep pretending to not hear me and snickering.
Yes, dogs snicker.  They also give good Glare.

Actually, she's happily waiting to be released from her Wait and get a bite of cheese.

My gardening hat.  It won't fit on her head the right way because of her ears.
That makes me snicker.


Last year, I planted WAY too many eggplants.  This year, I only planted two..and yet..I have WAY too much eggplant.

Five Fairytales on one plant..and I've picked 14 already.  Make it stop!
I don't know anyone that likes eggplant or I would be passing out these purple ..darlings.

My UPS delivery is always the same person.  He's fantastic.
He brings turkey jerky for the dogs..it's a bribe so they don't eat him, but still!
Yesterday, he sees me in the garden and brings the package to me...stops and stares...

UPS guy:  Sam..are those..pantyhose?
Me:  Yep.  Actually, they were thigh-highs.  It amused several people on my blog...and now I'm going to mention YOU mentioning the pantyhose!  I'll also point out you weren't weird and pervy about thigh-highs and melons.
UPS guy: I love coming here...even if you are wearing a tshirt that says Serial Killer and you're holding a sharp trowel.  But, you're also wearing a cowboy hat.  I don't know what to think.
Me: Oh great.  Now you're telling Blogland I dress like a crazy person.
UPS guy: Actually, you will be telling them....

See why I love him?!

So..as promised..
HI HANK! :D

Blue table..blahblah..is anyone else sick of tomato pics?

Today is vat of pasta sauce day...and tomato soup day...and tomato paste day.

A quick copy for those who asked about the paste:

TOMATO PASTE

8 qt. peeled, cored, chopped tomatoes, about 4 dozen large 1 1/2 c. chopped sweet red peppers (about 3) 2 bay leaves 1 tbsp. salt 1 clove garlic (optional) Combine all ingredients and cook slowly over low heat for 1 hour. Press tomato mixture through a fine sieve, add garlic if desired. Cook mixture slowly until thick enough to round up on a tablespoon (about 2 1/2 hours). Stir frequently.Remove clove of garlic. Pour hot mixture into hot Ball jars, leaving 1/4 inch headspace. Adjust Ball dome lids and Ball bands. Process half pints 45 minutes in water bath canner.

I like it better than canned tomato paste, but it is a pain in the butt.

Blueberries with cream and a little sugar.

 I argue that IS a health food because of the blueberries..and um..the calcium in the cream.  So there.

96 pounds.  6 pounds.
Youngest dog and oldest cat.
Besties..no matter how odd the pairing.

I would love to get a good photo of them together, but Punk is usually squashed under Irie.

Supposedly, we're having a fire and a few drinks this evening.
Stop over!
Just bring bribes for the dogs.
Probably a good idea to bring bribery food for me, too.

Disjointed

  We saw a double crested cormorant.  I won't shame myself by posting the photo.  I had just enough time to get the camera out of the bag and snag 1 pic as we zipped by at 55mph.  New bird for us!
  I just placed the final order for all veg seeds and plants, a couple of flowers and more raspberries (because 6 plants is not enough for the two of us).  I want to have enough raspberries to make jelly.
 I'm trying my hand with asparagus.
 I need to stop buying plants before it drives Michael away.
  After long discussion and debate, we decided not to get chickens.  I've got a great local source for eggs and meat..the benefits don't outweigh the work.  Sigh.
  I have an awkward flower bed outside the kitchen window.  It started as a seed bed, or plant start bed and quickly became a catchall.  It's in a high traffic spot.  If I'm not mowing down the bed with the garden hose, the dog tether is.  Hose guides are too short.  I got the *brilliant* idea to use some of the logs we have as hose guides.
I got this brilliant idea while wandering around the yard with the dogs, not dressed for yard work.  I ended up galloping after a runaway log with 3 barking dogs behind me, one flipflop on...lost a flipflop in the woods..
 This is why Michael calls me Calamity Sam.  I'm glad he didn't witness this.  I did get the damned logs set in the ground by evening.  So far, so good.
To cap off this disjointed mess, photos that have nothing to do with anything I rambled about!

Kung Fu Deer.

Neighbor horses

I caved and bought a thistle feeder. Now, if the 50+mph winds would stop making it an amusement park ride...

Pippin after getting caught in the rain.  He looks entirely too happy.

Irie and Punk.  6 pound cat loves 96 pound dog.

Voodoo and Bella Luna

Bella is the stumpy tailed, club footed demoncat.  She's not a pleasant creature.   Everyone feels terrible for her, until she tries to rip their faces off.

Is my couch not the most hideous brownish blob of sectional horror?
Every time I mention replacing it, Michael looks traumatized.
There is no slipcovering that beast, either. Gah.