Things People Say..and a babble

"You should just be happy you're alive!"
Generally said when I'm grumbling about something normal..like a clogged septic line (ew).
Telling someone who has any kind of medical ANYTHING just to be happy they are alive...is a good way to get kicked.
My appreciation for life doesn't vanish when I'm outside in sleet and howling winds, with 40 feet of septic line snake.  It's just..taking a back burner for the moment.

"Oh, you must feel good...you look fine!"
Because you have a portable CT and can see the blood clot in my lung? Awesome!

I sleep 8 hrs a night, and nap at least 2 hours during the day.
I am weak and shaky and dizzy a lot.
I am cold constantly.
I am grumpy as all hell.

THIS IS NOT ME.
Ok, the grumpy part is.......

"Blood thinners! Well, don't cut yourself!"
*blink*
Well, shit. There goes my plans for the weekend.


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I know this stuff isn't said to be unkind or dismissive...but after the 53rd time...
I warned you about the grumpy, right?

Ok, moving on!

You see the line of yellow Gorilla Glue on the feeder...and the reason why.
I need cast iron bird feeders!

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I went birding a few weeks ago...
I saw two horned grebes (adult, non breeding..so sayeth the bird books)!!!

Canada goose photo bombing

I also saw a black-crowned night heron.  I'll spare you the horrid photo.
Two birds off my life list.
HAPPY!

FREEDOM!

SOMEone is glad I made it back

I'm home home home!

I got out on Wednesday, but it took me til today to get off my ass and post.

Having a rough time with all this.
The next person that chirps "cheer up! you'll be fine" is going to get smacked.
Repeatedly.
With a brick.

I'm aware and grateful and thankful.

Of course.

That doesn't lessen the anxiety or fear or stress or what-ifs.
Shut the hell up and let me process all this ON MY OWN TERMS.
Yeesh.

Anxiety is a big problem for me. Always has been.
Plus, I have some Diva issues.

Add those to a medical meltdown and ..well..you get crazy.
In my case:
DramaDivaAnxietyFussyCrazy.
It's scary. Just ask Michael (who is a brave, kind, wonderful, gentle, sweet soul).
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I lost 9 lbs in the hospital, and I cannot figure out HOW.
I ate like a freaking machine.  It was scary. I'm almost embarrassed at how much I mowed down.
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The other dogs couldn't have cared less that I was away for 6 days.
Poor Voo is emotionally damaged and won't let me out of his sight.
I'm enforcing time away from me, since that's not healthy for him but...
He feels I cannot possibly pee or shower alone. I could vanish.
Forever.
He smashes his face into the glass shower doors and hums worriedly.
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My first roommate in the hospital was a crazed white supremacist. No, really.
Although I'm whiter than rice, I wanted to raise my fist and scream black power.
She was 66 with a heart problem. I could have taken her!
Then again, I was on two kinds of blood thinners.  kind of evens the field.

Personally, I do not care what beliefs you have..as long as you keep that shit to yourself.
Hate everyone not your race/religion/etc? Fine.
Just shut up about it.
I would REALLY have loved to see what happened if she had a medical need and the only doc on staff wasn't "a pure, white American".
  Let's see how strong your convictions are when your life is on the line, sugar!
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I had my first post-hosp INR test Saturday...hoping for good numbers!
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I really need to clean the house.  Top to bottom.
Can I pull the pulmonary embolism card? Get out of cleaning ever again?
No?

Dammit.

out, out damned..um..clot

I am currently in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism.

yes, SERIOUSLY.

what the HELL!!!!!

Horrible pain in right rib area was only symptom.

My tiny, random clot is in my right lung...hanging around for no obvious freaking reason.
As soon as my blood thinner levels are correct, I get to leave.
i'm in fabulous condition aside from the CLOT OF BLOOD IN MY LUNG WTF JUST HAPPENED?!?!

send some "get out of jail" thoughts, ok? my health is fine, since we caught this clot in time.  You don't even wanna know the statistics on death from pulmonary embolisms.  I sure as shit didn't want to know.
I am, however, going batshit crazy in here.

I need OUT.

So i can spend 6-12 months trying not to kill my dumb ass with blood thinners!

(i'm really ok.  scared the shit out of us...very surreal..but I'm ok!)

I look so hot with my heart monitor and double IVs ...sexy!

Ack, it's coming!!!

*cue ominous music*

Storm Saturn, that is.
People.  It's freaking winter. It happens.

When did we start naming..snow? Storm Saturn is hitting the Ohio Valley.
So much scarier than.. 5-8 inches.
Ooooo.

Granted, I HATE having My People driving in this crap.
 I would greatly appreciate it if snow would stop falling on the roads.
Snow isn't listening to me.

Why does everyone buy milk and toilet paper when we're getting a big snow?
The fear of modern man- being out of milk and tp.

To be fair, I live in fear of running out of coffee and bird seed.