I felt a hard, oval object on top of my head.
Stupid hair clip..must have forgotten to take it out.
Wait. I don't wear hair clips...barrettes..
Then it moved.
(for those of you that know me, you know I have a long history of overreacting with violence and panic. On the flip side, I have a long history of having freakishly large bugs/spiders ON MY HEAD)
Thinking Brain: Go look in the mirror before you freak out, assuming it's some giant man-eating insect.
Primitive Brain: OMG ITS A GIANT MAN EATING BUG! KILL IT WITH FIRE! GET THE CLEAVER!
So, I calmly walked (at high speed) to a mirror and discovered I DID in fact have an enormous beetle perched on my head.
Thinking Brain: Ok, do not panic and smash this thing in your hair. Calmly remove it. See if you can flick it off.
Primitive Brain: FIRE! CLEAVER! LAWN MOWER!!!
GiantBugOfSatan was not moving, and clung desperately to my curls
(curls meaning- bedhead that looks more like shrubbery than hair)
The more I messed with GBoS, the angrier he got, and started wildly waving his antennae.
Michael wakes up to find me spinning in a circle, flapping my hands at my head, bent over at the waist. I may have been making a high pitched yodeling noise.
GBoS became extremely frightened at some point ("this tree has gone freaking insane!"), because he dove off my head and hauled ass across the kitchen.
He's still lurking in there somewhere.
God help me.
This works, in case God is busy elsewhere: