Monday, March 18


SOMEone is glad I made it back

I'm home home home!

I got out on Wednesday, but it took me til today to get off my ass and post.

Having a rough time with all this.
The next person that chirps "cheer up! you'll be fine" is going to get smacked.
With a brick.

I'm aware and grateful and thankful.

Of course.

That doesn't lessen the anxiety or fear or stress or what-ifs.
Shut the hell up and let me process all this ON MY OWN TERMS.

Anxiety is a big problem for me. Always has been.
Plus, I have some Diva issues.

Add those to a medical meltdown and get crazy.
In my case:
It's scary. Just ask Michael (who is a brave, kind, wonderful, gentle, sweet soul).

I lost 9 lbs in the hospital, and I cannot figure out HOW.
I ate like a freaking machine.  It was scary. I'm almost embarrassed at how much I mowed down.
The other dogs couldn't have cared less that I was away for 6 days.
Poor Voo is emotionally damaged and won't let me out of his sight.
I'm enforcing time away from me, since that's not healthy for him but...
He feels I cannot possibly pee or shower alone. I could vanish.
He smashes his face into the glass shower doors and hums worriedly.
My first roommate in the hospital was a crazed white supremacist. No, really.
Although I'm whiter than rice, I wanted to raise my fist and scream black power.
She was 66 with a heart problem. I could have taken her!
Then again, I was on two kinds of blood thinners.  kind of evens the field.

Personally, I do not care what beliefs you long as you keep that shit to yourself.
Hate everyone not your race/religion/etc? Fine.
Just shut up about it.
I would REALLY have loved to see what happened if she had a medical need and the only doc on staff wasn't "a pure, white American".
  Let's see how strong your convictions are when your life is on the line, sugar!
I had my first post-hosp INR test Saturday...hoping for good numbers!

I really need to clean the house.  Top to bottom.
Can I pull the pulmonary embolism card? Get out of cleaning ever again?