Monday, February 18

I think..your fingers are..um

BACKWARDS. OR SIDEWAYS.

Last Monday night, Michael was outside playing with the dogs.
I hear him come inside, muttering "ow ow ow"
I hurry to see what happened, (knowing Michael doesn't say Ow unless he's on fire or missing limbs)...

He shows me his left hand.

Thinking Brain: Ok. Injury. Assess. First Aid.
Primitive Brain: Uh. Wait. Something is wrong. REALLY WRONG OMG.
Thinking Brain: Blood- we need nonstick wound pads..what else
Primitive Brain: UM. Fingers. Fingers pointing in the wrong directions! WTF!!!
Thinking Brain: Fingers. Fingers are dislocated.....wait. WTF!!!
*Thinking Brain and Primitive Brain run around screaming and waving their arms*

The two parts of my brain got their shit together finally.
Hand under the icy cold tap while I crated dogs/found his shoes/found pants for me (hey I was heading to bed, don't judge), keys, insurance info, etc
I grabbed my giant ice pack (it's me, of course I need ice packs at the ready at all times) and off we go.
How did he do this? "I smacked my hand off the grill"
That translates to "I smacked the grill hard enough to bend the stainless steel side table".

Diagnosis?
two dislocated fingers (What, you're Dr. House?? Medical mystery!?), a broken middle finger, severely sprained thumb and 3 stitches.
Thank sweet baby Jesus his fingers relocated on the drive there. I was ill thinking of the Drs relocating those fingers. Gag.  No, really. GAG.

What I've learned:
-You can never have too much ice on hand (HA!). Get the fake ice cubes. No leaking.
-Be prepared for the most ridiculous injuries at all hours. Because it's Us. It will happen.
-I do not do well with dislocations. I can peer into a gaping wound without batting an eyelash, but fingers bending the wrong way? I turn green and my brain shuts off for a moment.
-Michael, who rated his pain as a TWO at the ER, is actually a complete pansy and doesn't want me to remove his stitches, because "you will hurt me".
 Frankly, I think he was confused by "rate your pain on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst pain you've felt". Two? TWO???
-After 1 week, hands turn the most fascinating shades of yellow. With black spots. And blue spots. And a few blobs of a lovely raspberry shade.






I have the fun job of taping up his middle and ring fingers...and ripping off the tape.
Makes me shudder...what if I jerk something and his fingers are on sideways again!?!?