Tuesday, September 13

Freaky!

Weird encounter with my neighbor this morning.  Part of my property is bordered by a neighbor I've only seen.  We've never spoken before.
I took Irie out with me to cut down some honeysuckle (it's trying to eat Earth) and I see our neighbor walking along his property line.  Odd, as we've lived here 10 years and we have NEVER stumbled across each other.
I've been witness to his 3 am firing of guns (and the cops swarming his yard) and his drunken bonfires (and the fire department swarming his yard), but we've never spoken.
But hey, he's on his property..and I'm out at the break of dawn..so no big deal, right?

Then he says..like a big freaking WEIRDO.."Aren't you worried about being all alone in the woods, so far from your house?"
Of course, this spooks me a little.
Maybe he's socially awkward..maybe I startled him so he's scrambling..but..WTF?! Who says that!?


Being the gentle woman I am, I reply "100 pounds of dog and a machete say I don't have to worry."
By the grace of God, Irie has excellent timing..she drops her head and Stares. Him. Down.
If you've never been on the receiving end of a Big Dog lowering their head at you and giving you The Stare, I'm very glad for you.  Terrifying.
Weirdo Neighbor doesn't say another word and hauls ass.

I'm sure right now he's telling his wife about the crazy bitch..make that bitches.. he met in the woods.
But..but..who says that?!  Who says that to a woman with a big dog and a machete?!

We've met many a stranger hiking in the woods, and no one has ever said anything weirder than "Hey, nice day" or "Pretty dogs".

If Weird Neighbor pulls something like that again..
I'm shoving carbs down his pants and releasing The Pig.


She may appear dainty and ladylike...
"Fruit is good for a girl's figure."

But she's been carb loading and running sprints on the hill...
"OMG.  Need oxygen.  And a Power Chair.  Wheeze"

 She's been practicing her Warrior Cry....
"CAAAAAAAAAAAAARBS!"

Now she's set to defend the property against Home Invasion by freakass neighbors.
"You supply me with baked goods and I'll go all When Animals Attack on whoever you want.
Even your husband.
He keeps singing 'Baby's Got Back' when he sees me."
Uh...girlfriend..you've ago got Front.
And Sides.
"Shut up or I sit on you."

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29 comments:

  1. red.neck chicSeptember 13, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    I'm rolling....

    And it sounds like you live next to me? ROFLMBO!!!!!!! Welcome to the land of rednecks...

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  2. Lisa @ Two Bears FarmSeptember 13, 2011 at 9:37 AM

    What a jerk.

    Pig! Looks like she's ready for hibernation - look at all those rolls!

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  3. JillSeptember 13, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    That was freaky/scary! I'm glad you were well armed.

    Baby got back...now that is a hoot!

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  4. LynnSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:14 AM

    Attack Pig, I like it! I so wish people would just mind their own business:@)

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  5. UnknownSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:34 AM

    You do have weird neighbours!! Boom & Gary of the Vermilon River, Canada.

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  6. Furry BottomsSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:49 AM

    hahahahahahaha, can't stop laughing over this post. Yes, Pig has some backside!!! I never expected to see that-- man, she loves her carbs, allright.

    That freaking guy neighbor! What a stupid creepy thing to say. And I love that Irie immediately got into character, that was perfect!

    What does he think he is shooting at when he shoots at something anyway?

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  7. Furry BottomsSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:53 AM

    Wait! Somebody said something about hibernation. Do groundhogs hibernate? I feel like I should know the answer to this but I don't, so I will look it up. But that is also so sad! Pig being absent from your blog!

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  8. ain't for city galsSeptember 13, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    I was once out in the middle of the desert having a run when out of nowhere a man is there on his horse. He said to me almost the exact same words that your neighbor said. With my hand in my pocket (where I carry a little revolver made especially for runners ..lightweight) I said "No, I have done jail time before and not afraid of doing it again"!...lol..I have no idea where those words came from!! but they sounded good!

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  9. TexWisGirlSeptember 13, 2011 at 11:40 AM

    okay, yeah. not digging that crazy-ass neighbor of yours... go, irie, go!

    pig, i love you, girl!!! you rock that solid look!

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  10. LeenieSeptember 13, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    Seriously laughing out loud about WEIRDO dealing with carbs in pants and a Pig attack!! yes, LOL!!!

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  11. Gone CountrySeptember 13, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Great shot of Pig's backside!!! She is packing on the pounds for winter... mercy!

    Your neighbor is totally freaking weird! Thank God for Irie! And you're so right... WHO says stuff like that other than freakin' weirdos... or serial killers... OK, I'm not EVEN going there! Stay safe girl and sic Pig and Irie on him if he tries anything! BTW, I think Irie deserves a special treat for her perfect timing! Totally awesome!

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  12. LouiseSeptember 13, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    Good for Irie! That was a very weird thing to say, and I'm glad that you responded exactly the right way (it would have taken me two hours to think of what I "should" have said).

    Pig's figure is really burgeoning. She is going to be well prepared for her long Winter's nap.

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  13. DawnSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    Bahahahahah!!! (gasp!)
    Oh you kill me:DDDDD

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  14. UnknownSeptember 13, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    yea, that would have freaked me a little...strange words to say...Why didn't he just say "morning neighbor" or something like that...hes totally socially awkward.
    Pig looks well fed I must say
    Your so funny

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  15. NancySeptember 13, 2011 at 4:23 PM

    We had a hunter come up to the house one day to ask for permission to hunt on our land -- I had the dogs out with me and he asked, "aren't you concerned about being sued if these dogs attacked someone?" I asked him if he wasn't concerned about trespassing and my dogs only bite on command. Never saw him again.

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  16. Brian KingSeptember 13, 2011 at 5:07 PM

    LMAO! After that cool story, I'm expecting to see photos of your guard dog, but noooooo!

    What is the deal with you and that fat ass whistle pig???

    I know that thing is trained and really lives in the house with you.

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  17. LiliSeptember 13, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    Love pig! And by the way great retort you came up with. It reminds me of a Realtor friend of mine showing property to an out of state man and he waited until they got to the attic and said to her, "so are we all alone up here?" Her reply was yep, just you, me and my Smith & Wesson! ~Lili

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  18. bethSeptember 13, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    that would have freaked me out a bit, too....

    hopefully he'll just stay on his property and never speak to you again....obviously he doesn't wander much. just to be safe, keep that machete with you :)

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  19. MichelleSeptember 13, 2011 at 5:44 PM

    Total ding dong men say stuff like that. Glad to see Pig is keeping up her lady like figure....

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  20. Low Tide High StyleSeptember 13, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    Wow, very weird comment by your neighbor. I love Lili's realtor story comment too! My dogs probably would have bitten him and asked questions later, lucky for him you have a well behaved dog!

    I love pig, though I know how destructive those little beasts can be, they sure are cute!

    Kat :)

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  21. AngelaSeptember 13, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    And I thought I had crazy neighbors! He's a true ass! I have had my neighbors say strange things to me when we first moved here. They would ask if I was scared to be here by myself when my husband was at work. I've had 2 to tell me that I should carry a gun. I would carry a gun but my husband won't let me have one! lol He's knows I would use it! lol

    I'm glad you had Irie with you and she was a good girl scaring that mean old man! Hope she got some extra treats when you got home!

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  22. Farm GirlSeptember 13, 2011 at 7:44 PM

    What the heck kind of neighbor is that? So glad you had a machete and a big dog. Geez, and I thought all of the weirdos lived in California.

    Is your pig getting fat for winter?
    She looks a bit plump. Well, a lot plump. When my husband gets home from work I always make him come in and visit with the pig. He laughs too,
    She has a fan club you know.

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  23. LeighSeptember 13, 2011 at 10:40 PM

    Girl, you are toooo funny! I love reading your blog.

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  24. DanielleSeptember 14, 2011 at 12:21 AM

    I laughed out loud with this one! Maybe he was trying to freak you out because you were intruding on his pot smoking spot. He's like the old creepy guy on Scooby Doo.

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  25. Larry OstbySeptember 14, 2011 at 9:38 AM

    LOL... To bad there wasn't a camera on the face of your neighbor after your comment to him. I'm really lovin' all sides of Pig. You need to find a way to get her on a scale. Not that her weight matters :) just wondering.

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  26. DebSeptember 14, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    Neighbours..who needs them.

    Pig is just short.

    Hugs, Deb=^..^=x4

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  27. AnonymousSeptember 14, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    I am fortunate I have no crazy people living on any side of me.

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  28. GregSeptember 14, 2011 at 9:18 PM

    He's probably just a psychopath/likes wearing womens underwear type of bloke. Even psychopaths have to have a home somewhere :)

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  29. SamanthaSeptember 14, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    Greg, I'm now sleeping with a machete under the pillow. I will have Silence of the Lambs dreams because of you!

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