Wednesday, July 13


My guests are gone and Michael went back to work.
I am *sigh* all alone.
I mean..aside from the 4 dogs and 3 cats.

You all will be proud of me, though.
I took FIVE WHOLE DAYS off.  I washed dishes and did a minimum of cleaning.
I didn't cut grass.
I didn't break out the chainsaw.
I didn't tear anything down or build anything.

We had the most redneck, hillbilly vacation ever.  It rocked.

We spent hours in the pool (did you know that a pool raft with air pockets can hold 18 beer cans?), went for lots of drives, went to the white-trashiest flea market on Earth (which was awesome), cooked incredible meals that I'll be working off for 6 months (so worth it) and laughed a LOT.

I laughed so much I lost my voice.  Right now I sound like Godzilla going through puberty.

Of course, the screaming probably helped with that.

So here is a WV Tale of Terror for you:
We went for a drive on the most narrow, tree lined dirt road ever.  We do this every single visit..and every single visit we get the pee scared out of us.  Genius, right?

I don't know why all horror movies aren't filmed on this road.

This drive, we cruise past the ancient cemetery (!) and maneuver up the goat path called a road only to find a huge tree limb dragged across the road (!!) and a huge pit dug along the side of the road (!!!).
 No way to get around it, even in my SUV.
What.  The.  Hell.

We debate what to do...backing down a mile of twisty, rutted road is going to give us ulcers, but getting out and moving this massive limb in the dark...well...
That sounds like a good way to get captured by cannibals and turned into people sausage.

Jeremy is game for backing down, so we play musical chairs (last one outside the car is left for the cannibals) and I arrange myself in a demure fashion (draped over the back of the back seat with my butt sticking in the air and my legs braced against the front seat) to help guide him around curves/ruts/death traps.

As we're backing down the hill, we hear loud crashing in the woods BESIDE THE CAR.
I realize my butt is sticking up toward the open sunroof.
Can't see anything bad happening there, right?
  Lacey is dead quiet in the passenger seat, praying to George A. Romero that we make it out alive.

We made it down the hill just fine, but took a few quiet minutes to recover from the adrenaline rush.
And then...
this God awful, terrifying noise comes from inside the car.
Under the seat.
Next to me.
Lacey and I let out screams that were probably heard by all of you (which wrecked my voice).  Jamie Lee Curtis would have been proud of us.
Jeremy let out a manly roar (honestly, it was pretty girlie for a 6ft 3in guy).

Who knew the "cricket chirp" text alert on my cell could be so damned terrifying?!
I've got photos to share and more stories to tell, but for now I'm off to get back into the swing of things!
Missed you all!