Nature hates us

The only break in the flat, grey sky..just above the porch wisteria

Last night, just before dark, the dogs and I wandered outside.
Gorgeous...perfect sultry summer evening just before a storm.  It was too nice to focus on one thing with the camera.  I just stood on the hill and Enjoyed.
Idyllic.
A Girl and Her Dogs.
Of course, that's when all hell breaks loose.

I hear a noise that is similar to a cat in a blender (guessing here) and the dogs go crazy.
A large raccoon had gotten *stuck* in the garden and was tearing around, bawling his/her head off.
You got in there, dumb ass, so get OUT the same way!?
Think Godzilla rampaging through Tokyo...Tokyo being my vegetables.
Not typical coon behavior, for certain.

I got the snarling slavering well-behaved dogs to the porch and hurried back to open the gate..the coon charged me, evil little teeth bared.  It's a large garden..it wasn't cornered.
  There are few things on Earth that cause me to run screaming.  Snakes?  You all know I have no problem with holding snakes.  I can't help myself from touching.
Must touch snake.

Really, really angry raccoon? 

Run for your life.

Women and dogs first.

Tomorrow, I'll be calling WVDNR again to ask about dealing with the raccoon and groundhog explosion.

Messing up the flower beds is one thing, but they are destroying our food source!

A friend of mine was horrified that I'm willing to exterminate garden pests. 

 Think of this way:

pest animal is repeatedly ransacking your pantry, after you've already spent a large amount of money to pest-proof..would you stand there and say "Oh darn. There goes $400!".

I didn't think so.

We fenced to prevent deer and groundhogs, and now the raccoons have moved in.

We don't feed the birds past a certain time and over a certain amount, so there is no seed left for pests.

I stopped feeding the deer anywhere near the yard (the deer were never an issue), and feeding the deer/groundhogs at the far end of the property has worked for 5 or 6 years.  It kept the groundhogs away from the house.

NOW they decide to expand.

Our trash cans are so coon-proofed I can't get in the damn things.

There comes a certain point where you don't have many options left.

The most hilarious advice given by wildlife control experts is "make your property inhospitable to that pest.  Prevent their habitat and remove food sources".  

They are freaking raccoons and groundhogs.

  Should I bulldoze the place and pave it all?!  Their food source is MY FOOD SOURCE.  I have four dogs that go absolutely crazy every time they see a coon or groundhog.

We're already inhospitable, so what now?